sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
