unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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