This is not my ceiling
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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