Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
