ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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