Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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