Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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