im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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