Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
