whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
