i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
