The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
