Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
