The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize