In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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