Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
