they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
