We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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