Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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