Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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