At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
