Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
