Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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