Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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