he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
