i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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