It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
