If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
