So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
