the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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