After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
