I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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