i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
