Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
BRING THE BAGELS
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