Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
