Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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