so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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