Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
