i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
