I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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