i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.