There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
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Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future