Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa