Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
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it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life