I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
