1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly