you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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