You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
