God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
