he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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