brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
