and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
