After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
