We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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