I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
