A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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