Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Oh god it's open bar.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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