I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
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I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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