It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
