That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
