No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
