Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
