I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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