Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
