i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
