Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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